Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Day 17 - I Cheated
But then, Mark, my husband who NEVER orders dessert, got three huge cookies for the table to share. And I figured that since I'd already eaten some gluten I might as well let it all go. So I had a bite of the oatmeal raisin cookie with icing. YES! I DID IT! I DELIBERATELY CHEATED!
Maybe it was because I was eating emotionally – I’d been feeling a little down earlier. Maybe it was because I’ve never cheated before and I wanted to know what it felt like. Maybe I just wanted a bite of the damned cookie.
Well, I only had one bite. And I felt guilty about it - for about a minute. And then I went back to cleansing from that moment on.
I stepped out on that ledge and took the dive, but I popped back up on the surface. It was a minute-long detour in a 21-day program. And I'm not going to call myself a failure because of that.
Yeah, maybe you've lost some respect for me. And maybe you think my cleanse cheerleader pep talks are bullshit. That's fine. I guess I might, too. But I learned a great lesson by doing what I did: That food doesn't have to be an all or nothing proposition; that a teeny bit of something can be satisfying enough - there's no need to eat the whole thing; and that one or two bites of a taboo food doesn't spell the end of the world. You just have to dust yourself off and start over again.
Our cleanse buddy Jenny says that every day and every moment is an opportunity to turn back in the right direction – for both the small and the large detours. So that's what I'm did – I turned back and started over.
And I learned that no cookie (or any other food) is going to make me feel better about - anything. But spending time with my friends and hearing from my cleanse pals later that day was more satisfying than anything I could have put in my mouth.
Each time I cleanse I learn something new. I guess that's why I'm still so enthused about the process. I hope you feel the same way!
Have a great Day 17!