Okay, it's Week 2 and I wanted to get into the kitchen to try out some recipes, but work is so busy that I didn't even have time to celebrate my birthday yesterday. In fact, if you must know, it's 9:30 pm on the night of my birthday and I'm taking time off from my other writing assignments to make this post. And if I can't make time for my own damned birthday, there's not going to be any time for cooking either.
So here's the straight dope -
I'm hanging on by a thread right now. I'm under some impossible deadlines and I don't know if I'm going to hit them. I'm stressed. And disconnected from every other part of my life. I haven't worked out since Thursday (unless you count a 10-mile bike ride on Sunday). And I'm thinking pretty hard about doing some big time emotional eating.
After rivaling Jabba the Hut throughout the month of April, my goal with this diet was to bring balance into my life. Instead of binging on forbidden foods before and after periods of healthful eating I wanted to level things off; to eat better on a regular basis. Don't get me wrong - for the most part I'm pretty darned healthy but there are those moments (or months) when I run myself right into the ditch. So I was looking at this diet as a vehicle to help me work through the reasons that drive me to destructive eating patterns. And I was hoping to use this time to bring balance into the other parts of my life as well - to be sure I was exercising regularly and not excessively (which I have a tendency to do); and to be sure I had some time to enjoy life. Well, not this week - there's no balance to be found.
But in spite of my challenges here's what I am doing - I'm staying on the diet, eating Morningstar Turk'y Grillers (only because they're quick, convenient, and approved by E2 - I'm still really conflicted about eating processed and potentially GMO even though E2 says they're okay), raw carrots, cauliflower, celery, apples, oatmeal and cashews. And I'm bored out of my skull with these foods, but they're the best I can do at the moment. So I'm staying with it, minute-to-minute at times, but I'm still here and I'm hanging in.
And I guess that today's lesson is that even while we crave balance in life - and we are well-served to strive for it - it can't always be achieved. And in those moments when we're completely out of balance, we have the choice to stay on our path or to veer off into the quicksand of comfort - better known as self-pity - which usually masquerades as self-abuse in the form of overeating, drinking or drugging.
Just because I'm a little busy doesn't mean I have to go off the deep end and do something I'll regret. Busy is a part of life. So is healthy. And the two can - and should - peacefully coexist. So that's my focus - get the work done, and to stay healthy. And return to center when things calm down a bit. The treadmill will be waiting for me as soon I'm ready, even if I only have 20 minutes to spare. The kitchen will be a welcome change from being chained to this desk. And these few crazy days will become a distant memory in short order.
So I'm making the choice to stay with E2, to keep my head on straight, and to go the distance. This insanity is temporary. And I'm not going to let it derail me. I may not have balance right now, but at least I'm tipping the scales in my direction!